What Miyagi doesn't say — 86
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Miyagi will may or may not come.
When I called her after the festival, she came, but considering what I did that day, it seems more likely that she will not come.
What I heard from Utsunomiya today.
If Miyagi were here, I would like to hear about it.
——I don’t feel very good about it, though.
The pain in my stomach has subsided, but my chest is still a little hazy.
All that comes to mind is negativity and not a cheerful mood.
I feel similar to when I watched my parents who only loved my sister.
I get caught up in one thing and think only pessimistic thoughts.
This kind of me is not good.
I have had a reasonably enjoyable school life, using my head to the point and in a reasonable position in the class.
That kind of me is about to disappear.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I walk quietly through the not so large classroom.
Even though I was not involved in why Miyagi chose an out-of-prefecture university, she chose a university not far from where I would be attending.
Close is better than far for any reason.
It is easier to simply believe that.
I do not wish to be far away from Miyagi, although I am not willing to admit it.
As for the choice of the same university as Utsunomiya, it is not so clear to me that I am walking in the same world as Utsunomiya, but it is better to find meaning in the word “close.”
With Miyagi not too far away, the relationship would not just fall apart.
With that in mind, I feel I can forgive some things.
I can’t sort out all my feelings neatly anyway.
Then it is better to choose some better idea than to fall into the abyss myself.
I have to persuade myself that I’m not convinced and take it in a direction that somehow looks good.
That shouldn’t be so bad.
However, there is a problem.
The Miyagi I know is not honest.
If I asked her to tell me what college she was applying to, she would never talk to me.
And I do not want to mention Utsunomiya’s name.
If I do, I have a feeling that Miyagi will do her best to deny that she just consulted with her and has no intention of going.
That said, it seemed difficult to ascertain whether what we heard today was true without mentioning Utsunomiya’s name.
Still, there is a part of me that does not want to give up.
But what if Utsunomiya told Miyagi about what happened during lunch break——
Miyagi is about to accept the same university as Utsunomiya.
If Miyagi had found out that I knew about it, it would have been troublesome.
It is not surprising that he told Utsunomiya that he would go to a local university after all.
I stopped and looked at my watch, fifteen minutes had passed since I got here.
「She’s not coming, I guess」
Five more minutes to wait.
The music preparation room is a little cold, probably because December is fast approaching behind me.
I don’t think this is the kind of place where people wait too long.
In general, even Miyagi would not make me wait for 30 or 40 minutes.
I would like to think so.
I leaned against the shelf where the instruments are placed.
Looked at the door.
I close my eyes and slowly open them and the door opens silently.
I see a skirt that is not short, but not long either.
Her eyebrows raised in a sulky manner.
Not a word of concern for me, like she was late, or sorry for keeping me waiting.
Miyagi approaches me silently.
She stopped a little in front of me, shaking her hair a little longer than her shoulders.
Then she opened her mouth in a tedious manner.
「What happened to our promise not to talk at school」
Miyagi smashes her bag against my leg with a thud.
「If you wanted to protect it, Miyagi could have protected it.
But if you didn’t keep it, doesn’t that mean you don’t care about the promise」
Miyagi said in a voice lower than room temperature and tried to turn around, so I called out to stall her.
I called you here for a reason, you know.」
「It’s a silly thing anyway.
Why don’t you just go home instead of here」
Complaining, Miyagi puts her bag on the floor and looks at me.
「I don’t want to take orders from you.」
I smiled and said, and was met with a blatantly disgusted look.
「If you’ve got something to say, say it quick.」
What to say and how to say it.
I still haven’t figured it out yet.
And I don’t think I’ll be able to come up with anything even if I think about it for another five minutes.
As I am surprisingly absent-minded when it comes to Miyagi, I had no choice but to ask her straight out, as I always do in the end.
「…Where is your school of choice」
「Is that what you’re asking me」
「I’ve said it a million times already.」
「It’s not like you can only take one college.
I was wondering if there was anywhere else you could take it.」
「I won’t take it.」
The answer came as expected, and I fingered the polished instrument.
The university is one of the things Miyagi never tells me.
I want to ask her, but I know she will not answer.
Miyagi doesn’t always tell me what I want to know.
I have no way of verifying whether Utsunomiya’s story is true or not.
「Why don’t you just take it I think you can aim for a better university now.
You’ve studied so hard.」
I know I shouldn’t, but I try to get the answers I want to hear from Miyagi.
「Sendai-san, you are persistent.
I’m done talking about this.」
「I don’t take orders from you here.」
「It’s not an order, so if you want to talk, just continue as long as you like, Sendai-san.
I have nothing to talk about and I’m leaving.
Sendai-san, you can come over to my house later.」
Miyagi unilaterally terminates the conversation.
I knew it was coming, but I think it’s both curt and cold.
I know that if I try to prolong the conversation any further, I will only be made to feel even colder.
However, I, who am not a good person, do not want to let Miyagi leave like this.
「…Don’t you want to go to the same college as your friends」
I am tempted to name Utsunomiya as a specific example, but I will swallow her name and lock it in my stomach.
「…What is this suddenly」
「You know how often that happens Like you want to go to the same school as your best friends.」
「Speaking of which.
Sendai-san, you talked to Maika today, right」
Miyagi does not answer my question, but returns the question with a thin crease between her eyebrows.
From the way she looks at me, I can tell that Utsunomiya told Miyagi that she had met with me.
If that is the case, I cannot just pretend that she did not hear Utsunomiya’s name and proceed with the story.
「Utsunomiya and I would meet on the way to the store.」
「What did you talk about with Maika」
「She just asked me about calling Miyagi before or something.」
「Is that it」
「That was it.
Utsunomiya, did she say something」
「She said the same thing as Sendai-san.」
Apparently, Utsunomiya did not tell Miyagi about the university.
If that is the case, I should not pursue the matter any further.
It would be less troublesome to end the conversation.
I know that, but there is a part of me that still wants to talk.
「I’ve had enough.
I’ll go home first.」
I reflexively grab her hand to hold the bag Miyagi left on the floor.
「Can we talk a little more」
You can talk about it when I get home.」
「Ahh, you’re right, but…」
But I can’t keep my hands off.
I squeeze my hand tightly as if to close the gap between her hands.
It is colder than the hand I held on the day I caught a fever.
Even when we are alone, the music prep room is cold, and that’s why my hands are cold.
I am sure her hands are cold too.
That doesn’t mean I held them to warm my hands.
「I’ll go home, so let me go.」
「Just stay like this a little longer.」
If I let go, I don’t want to let go thinking I won’t be able to connect again for a while.
I want to hold hands or touch more.
I can’t handle those feelings well.
Probably because all Miyagi does is touch me.
And I think it is because Miyagi never tells me anything.
I call her name and take a step toward her, and she shakes my hand away.
「I’m not kissing you, I’m leaving.」
「I haven’t said anything yet.」
Miyagi’s voice was cold, perhaps remembering what I had done here in the past.
But I only wanted to touch Miyagi a little more, not to kiss her.
「I’m just saying this first because I might say it in the future.」
「Because that’s wrong.
I just wanted to touch Miyagi.
Miyagi touches me all the time, too.」
「Isn’t that strange I didn’t touch Sendai-san.」
I unbutton one button on my blouse that I don’t unbutton at school.
Then I show her the pendant.
「You’re always touching me here.」
The pendant, usually hidden in my blouse, was touched by Miyagi whenever I was called.
But whenever I tried to touch the same spot, he would always stop me with an order.
「That’s touching the necklace, not touching Sendai-san.」
「But you’re not just touching this thing, you’re touching me too, so let me touch you.
It’s not fair that Miyagi always touch me.」
I take another step closer and reach for Miyagi’s cheek.
When I pressed my palm against it, Miyagi shivered, perhaps from the cold.
I slid my hand down her neck and loosens her tie.
But before I can unbutton my blouse, she grabs my arm.
「Sendai-san’s a pervert.
Miyagi says in a strong tone and releases the arm she has grabbed.
「I don’t take orders from Miyagi here.」
I’m only buying the Sendai-san in my room, not the Sendai-san at school.」
「If you know what I’m doing, just be mature about it.」
「But even Sendai-san has no right to do anything to me at school.」
「You used to let me kiss you, right」
When I mentioned the fact that I had been here, Miyagi re-tightened her tie with a difficult look on her face.
Then, in a voice devoid of emotion, she said.
「…If you want to touch me, then do something about it.
Sendai-san, you like to trade, don’t you」
「Not that I like it—— What are the terms of the exchange」
It’s not a good condition anyway.
Still, I asked Miyagi.